1869

REC ROOM SVENGALI

The elder Johnston moved the piano.
The brothers Johnson brought their toys and guitars
And a few strategically placed lava lamps,
Waved their magic fingers at
The magazine's publisher, a silver-ponytailed
Garage-rock godhead -- licensed and bonded
And all that stuff.

The Horseshoe employed more people
On an employee-per-room basis
Than any effectively mellow personal-swimming-pool
Success Secret sharer in the metro area

And this would influence the American art world
To pursue hypnotizing the audience, a scotch and soda
In standing room only with lots of press when Bruce took the podium

"What I love about the chat rooms
Is that they're already halfway to poetry,
What's poetry but lines, what's a chatroom,"
He started rubbing the squid. Somebody tried
To take the squid. Derek emphasized that
Even on that day, in that room
In the small Bavarian village of Ulm,
The reserved Rasputin tendencies of the great philosopher
Were waiting to come out, an opera star
Who it turned out could read neither music nor text.

1868

"MUCUS, YOU SAY..."

Stripper on a treadmill.

"Do you read Wired?"

I feel so used.

During the menstrual cycle

changes take place in the

new and insanely interesting word or phrase

Ideally, you should be using protection

but I do need an answer!

When my partner

performs oral sex on me,

I'm not sure if my vagina is moist

sea creatures key to underwater food chain

1867

TASER PERM

It involves some shimmering lip gloss and a glory hole in West Hollywood.
I bought my wife a taser
Called "Plump Lips," permeable reactive barriers
Aa aah aahed aahing aahs aal aalii aaliis aals aardvark aardvarks aardwolf
Aardwolves aargh aarrgh aarrghh aas aasvogel aasvogels
As soon as they let him in to Go Check he zaps them with a taser gun
Then I’d headbut from behind,
Whoever has the least has to buy their friends a new
Defense-phone, can you make a taser out of a water bottle
And wire with alluminum foil wrappign the bottle?
I listened to a few hours of talk radio,
This is what happens when you goose a blonde
Making fun of a stoned hippie educator

Their songs are totally radio friendly mainstream pop, but I fucking love
A good sing-along song on the radio
Oh its getting everywhere and it will ruin my arm pit perm

The misdemeanor charges are filing a false report over a police radio and
I got a glock with the laser, hot police taser Step in real close,
Listen to the cheesedick with the perm-mullet, why dontcha?

If instead you phrased it as "should cops taser a crazy six-year-old who is
Jamming the radio broadcasts," tasty blonde teens killed
The kaiser permanente job line. Give her a taser shot,
See if she settles down. Give your goldfish a perm.

1865

CUTE AND PARANOID

Are you feeling cute and paranoid about Bush and the NSA spying on you?
When he's not gnawing on a schlong that doesn't belong tohim,
Something about revolution and television goes here,
Radiohead and cute girls with pipes and bongs
Moving special blocks over all the marked holes
For four decades of gloriously cute mini bags containing
Nanotech robots waiting to attach to your nervous tissue
And signal the moonbats to come play Sigourney Weaver
To your comments field, intelligent, well mannered, well educated,
Polite, sexy, vulgar, quick witted, kind, thoughtful, giving,
I use Snuggle fabric softener because I can't resist
The Cute Boyfriend Blues, what with the religious visions and
You think y ou're following "good security" but in the real world
It's nice to have a li'l angel who can make her dad
Like a cute German Shepherd, the cat cooking my embies,
I know she wants to go out and meet new guys but she says that
John went where no man has gone before
And monorails can't be all that bad if puppies ride free.

She is soo cute when she's paranoid (which is all the time).

1866

THE MAGENTA MAGNET

A personal reason for carrying an amulet --
Can there be any other kind? But I was a broker,
A broker-dealer if you have to be accurate
And the magenta magnet wire was on sale.
When my mutant powers manifested, I was wondering
Whether to give a business card or a promotional magnet
To the effective moment of a selected dipole line,
A decision made for me just like bidding
On a rectangular shaped car magnet with magenta,
White and turquoise lacrosse sticks.
Process red, one of the basic colors in four-color process printing,
Light propagating through the crystal will have ... "electromagentism"

There is no magenta light? Correct.
Stare at the spectrum as long as you wish.

1864

PUDDLE IN MY MONKEYPANTS

Five minutes later, Willow's shooing Miss Kitty off the bed,
And following her, leaving her nightclothes
And the ferrets in the cuddle puddle.
The only fires I start are in the hearts and loins of the
Petrol puddle Papa Roach wrote,
It only appears watertight because your floating in it
And when they leave you still reflexively close
And lock the bathroom door behind a liquid/smoke based diet.

"I mock you with my monkey pants!"

And you know, the monkey's just
Trying not to melt into a fucking puddle,
Tamales long gone but the spicy sting still
Hippo dignity!

1863

PERKY DEFECTOR

Twenty years ago this October, Goldberg popped up
Behind the scenes of another capital sex storm, this one involving
A robot pilot, a failed lust inspired first marriage to a perky bimbo,
Walmart employees quipping "were already in the venue legally,
Making elaborate layouts for their Barbie-like
Hideous smiley child that’s just so happy and
“Wanna go? Right now?” “It’s late; it’s closed, isn’t it?”
She gives him a sly smile and says, “You forget, I’ma Mermaid.”

Pamela Anderson admits if she wants perky breasts
She opts for a strong coffee and
Speaking of telepaths, Is Calling Katie Couric "Perky" Sexist?
Baghdad trained Al Qaeda fighters in 'shockingly beautiful' Western music.
Her gleaming teeth and her fibreglass helmet of hair
Also indicated the US "might be able to bring out a
Defector from his own planet.
Fudge couldn't be the defector in the Ministry of Magic.
“Too airy to be kitsch, as true conspiracies are inherently unstable,
They'd already given the money to another student,
Plague-like bioweapons."
In this mystery complete with toothsome hi-cal recipes,
Bond romances a stunning Soviet unworn dampness puissant bikers
Peacetime filamentous perky proclaim rubric sensible copra juxtaposition.

1862

ALONE IN AN ADULT BOOKSTORE

When I sit down at the piano
There's weather on the interstate,
The white smile
Comes from a shaved place

They're alone in an adult world
Without any tokens or mystery plays
And nothing to savor but ricochets

He turns to look
And trips on his shoelace

*

Now the child
Tips the ottoman

He is a pterosaur
Calling "on your marks"

I myself
Recite bluelines
For a fibrous
Divot

*

I want to reach out
And engulf the ambassador
In a marshmallow

Make payable to
Written all over my face

Aspiration
Versus actual connection
It's all real feeling
On the burning hillside

*

Clanking, with brisket,
I perch on the receiver.

It is a quid. Please.

Neighborly ass,
Sit yourself domino
And I'll lend you
A parable.

*

Gum-wrappers the presbyter dappled
With nothing very shocking as light
Radiate from the collage heart.
The bishop's been to college.

If you'd seen what I'm saying,
You wouldn't've smiled quite so...

The barman composts an essay
On medieval Irish lyric,
The figure of the albino crow,
Jocoserious asides.

What'll it be boys, lights or darks.

*

The tarpit opens
Like a cardboard box.

A grey lapin emerges,
No illusionist in sight.

*

Would you like to come in?
It's a masturbation show.

Oh, I already know how thanks.

Her filmy dressing-gown flutters,
A mis-sprocketed film sputters
Behind a barely moving curtain.

Four bored women on lawn chairs.

*

The rifle range is making popcorn,
The highway's backed up six miles --
Hazmat or wide load or something
Jackknifed for a crate of chickens.